We give plenty of advice on the right things you can do to make your home approachable, attractive, and sellable to potential buyers, so here at Meridian Realty Group we thought we’d put together this mildly serious and mostly tongue-in-cheek list of things NOT to do if you want to sell your house.

Here are 25 things you definitely should never do if you ever want to sell your home:

1. Have 10 cats and never change their litter.

2. Paint the exterior of your home with neon orange poster paint.

3. Let your lawn grow to jungle-level height and play velociraptor sounds when anyone approaches.

4. Invite 100 of your favorite circus performers to camp in the backyard for free.

5. Decorate for Halloween . . . in January.

6. Go to Goodwill, buy everything, and stick it all in your closets.

7. Four words: 24/7 Dance Party!

8. Aspire to have the world’s largest collection of free roaming roaches.

9. Remake the front of your house to be a replica of your face ala Mount Rushmore.

10. Dig a moat by hand and fill it with alligators. Let them get hungry.

11. Remove all exterior doors and replace them with those beaded curtains everyone used in college dorm rooms.

12. Get larger windows. In fact, replace all your walls with sheets of transparent single-pane glass.

13. Is there oil in your front yard? How will you know unless you dig for it?

14. Rewire your house so that random handles, doorknobs, and beds give “fun” shocks.

15. Four more words: Real Live Ninja Hedge!

16. Rent out your home on weekends for meetings of your local Angry Loud Complainers About Nothing Society. Make the contract unbreakable and lasting in perpetuity.

17. Replace your shingles with singles.

18. Replace your shingle singles with Pringles.

19. Intermingle your shingle singles and your shingle Pringles while singing a jingle.

20. Hire a large man to walk around your home at the top of every hour shouting “This is Sparta!” whilst wearing nothing but gladiator underwear.

21. Install an escalator that’s always out of service. Direct people to the elevator instead. Make sure the elevator is always out of service too.

22. Four more more words: Fireworks Every Fifteen Minutes!

23. Convert your staircase to a slip and slide.

24. Put a “FSU - Go Seminoles!” sign in the front yard.

25. Four final words: Walls Filled With Mayonnaise!

If you read this list and think to yourself “But what if I actually DO want to sell my house? What do I do then?” there’s a simple answer, with only one response:

1. Call Meridian Realty Group at (352) 547-4929 today!